I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
