please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
