I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
