it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
