why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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