i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
