I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
