when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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