Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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