hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
