she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
