in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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