it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
