what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
