So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
