It's Friday. Sex?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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