respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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