"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
