I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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