Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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