I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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