why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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