if you like me you must not know who I am
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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