That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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