Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Less talking, more tequila
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
