i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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