chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
