OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize