Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
