Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
