I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
