i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
