i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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