three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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