that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nutella sex= disaster
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
