It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
