i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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