Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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