dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
