I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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