wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
