I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
