whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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