I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
