Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
