No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He has the fingertips of a God
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