You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
