Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
