i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
