Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
