You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
