I CAN MOONWALK!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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