I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
