I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
