I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
