Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Enjoy the penises
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
