Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
