what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
