I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
