I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
