he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
