I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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