Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
