Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
