I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
